Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Sixth Hokage Uzumaki Naruto (draft)

The Sixth Hokage Uzumaki Naruto by Tamiana Konrote

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto; this is just my filler and spin off the actual story. I dont own any of the characters.




The orphaned boy, whom everyone feared from the day he was born; ostracized by society, with no one to turn to. This boy with the Faith that could move mountains became the Ultimate Shinobi. “BELIEVE IT”



   The Great Shinobi War ended 1 month ago, after countless battles fought over the Five Great Shinobi Nations, Land of Fire(Konoha), Land of Earth(Iwaga), Land of Lighting(Kumoga), Land of Wind(Sunaga) and Land of Water(Kiriga). Thousands of lives lost, from family members to friends, young and old, no life was considered precious in the war.

   Naruto stands on top the Great Hokage wall with his blond hair blowing in the morning breeze, his sage coat sways and his hands in his pocket. He looks out over the Village which he loves so much, and fought with his Life and Soul on the line to protect and smiles. The Great Leaf Village has finally started to return to equilibrium.

  While looking out across his Beautiful Village he starts to reminisce about the times when he was a small cheeky boy running around in the streets vandalising the fences, walls and houses, causing havoc within the village. 

    Always been chased after to be scolded for something he had done. He laughs and puts he hand on his head, to think about how far he has come from that time. Even when no one acknowledged him since the day he was born, always feared by adults, always teased by other kids, from the constant name calling and being the centre of their jokes and not knowing what for. Growing up without any parents/guardians to teach him right from wrong, no one to hold him and show him what unconditional love is about, and no one to protect him. 

   He had a rough time growing up and he was always the optimist, never letting what people say drag him down, because Naruto always felt like he had something to prove to everyone, to defy what they thought about him, to push over the stereotype way of thinking they had of him, whatever they called him or did to him, he would always pick himself up and walk forward, look ahead. 

  He knew one day it would all change, it would all be different, when everyone would stop calling him names, stop belittling him and instead praise him and thank him. He looked forward to when that day would come and he knew that day would be when he becomes Hokage.

  So that was his one and only goal, since the day he could walk and that was his motivation, he drive, his determination, the only thing that he had dreamed of every day since he could remember. He was going to become the Hokage of Konoha, and that way people would respect him for the person his was and not pre-judge him. He just wanted to be accepted and loved.

  It’s not like he had a choice in the matter of storing the Biju(Kurama) in his body, he was only a baby at that time, no one took that into consideration. But he was pleased that things have turned out the way they did.

   Kakashi-senpai turns up and sees Naruto looking out over the village and walks towards Naruto with his Pervy Sage handbook in his hand. He puts his hand on Naruto’s shoulder and without saying a word he knows how Naruto feels. He too thinks back to the very first day he meet Naruto in class.

   He was the cheeky loud mouth little boy, who always wanted to prove something to everyone, no matter the situation he was in, he always wanted to be acknowledged. 
Kakashi knew that Naruto always had the passion but lacked the talent. 

   Kakashi always had a soft spot in his heart for Naruto since the day he meet Naruto he knew Naruto’s Dream, his Goal, which was to become Hokage of Konoha, and protect everyone in the village which he loves so much. 

   With Naruto’s never give up attitude, he knew that Naruto would go far in this Shinobi World and one day achieve his Dream.

    Now that day has come, the years of hard training that Naruto had gone through, being trained by Kakashi and Jiraiya, the many battles he has fought along the way, the friends he has made, the people he has helped, all the trials and tribulations Naruto has gone through it was all worth it, and Kakashi has been there the whole time supporting him along the way.

  While Naruto and Kakashi stand on the Great Hokage Wall, The sun rises in the horizon on this momentous day for Naruto, as Naruto knows this is the day he has been waiting for his whole life, the inauguration for him to become the Sixth Hokage has finally come.

   Tears of Joy start to roll down Naruto’s cheeks and Kakashi smiles at him with a reassuring smile letting him know that things are going to be alright. Kakashi knows that Naruto will make a Great Hokage which this Shinobi World has never seen.

   Naruto and Kakashi both look at each other and without saying anything they laugh, they both knew it was time to get moving, they jump of the Great Hokage Wall and head towards the ceremony where Naruto will be inaugurated as the Sixth Hokage.

7 comments:

  1. High guys, to be honest, I was so excited when I started writing my fanfic but then lost the enthusiasm, Ive seen all your fanfic and mine pales in comparison to you all. I started reading the tips from "waynesthisand that" and it has inspired me again, so I will write up another fanfic with this new found knowledge that Ive learned. So please comment and b harsh as it will only make me better, please correct my grammar and verbal diarrhea or anything, just please give me feed back thanks guys. "BELIEVE IT"

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  2. I really like this! I'm not familiar with Naruto but the way you introduced it and described it made it fun to read. I like your character descriptions, and especially the happy ending :) The only thing marginally critical I have to say, is that the sentences are a little on the long side. There's lots of commas which can make it a bit confusing. But at the same time, it creates depth which is good, so maybe I'm wrong. Overall I really enjoyed it!

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  3. Wow thanks for that Laura, you are totally right about the comma's, I was thinking that I had to many too. I too wanted to shorten the sentences but also trying to figure out how to, Im not as good as yourself writing in dialog when you write "“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my pleasure to welcome you all to the 74th Hunger Games!”, Effie’s voice booms out over the crowd." Reading your fanfic has given me allot of help in how I do want to write my next fanfic. I know I need to change my style of writing in order to make the sentences smaller. But if there is anything else please comment Im fine if you will be critically honest. "BELIEVE IT"

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  4. Hey man, it's great! I'm glad i have a little knowledge about your subject! It's set up really well, it's awesome. My only critique was stolen by Laura, haha. It's just the commas/sentence lengths.
    I look forward to reading your next one!

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    1. Cheers Shigh, yeah I only got to terms with the commas/sentences after I read the Waynesthisandthat webpage, I wil definitely go forward from that. "BELIEVE IT"

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  5. Hey ya'll. I have some constructive criticism for you man, so get ready.
    Alot of the sentences are repetitve, especially around the subject of Naruto always having to prove something. I'd re-edit and try and conslidate it a wee bit.
    The fact that your going to write another story is good, however, I do like the whole 'Naruto' concept so I'd stick to the same story but maybe add in a plot and/or conflict, because to be completely honest, nothing really happens.
    Also there's quite a few grammar and sentence structure issues, like: (8th paragraph) - 'he drive' should be 'his drive and 'person his was' should be 'person he was'.
    You've said 'pre-judge' in one of your sentences, it's not really a word, maybe use something like 'people held pre-concieved notions about him'. You've said 'his never give up attitude' - you could shorten this by saying that he was 'vigilant' or he had 'determination'. These are just ideas and my personal opinion so feel free to not use them.
    I'm sorry to be so critical and harsh but you did say "I'll be fine if your critically honest". Good luck with the restructuring/new story. Add some plot/conflict! Peace!

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    1. Hey Ben thanks for your feedback you've got allot of great points it helps me see the areas I can improve on. Ill take it all into consideration when I re-write it cheers. "BELIEVE IT"

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